Just a mention of your name

So...last night's dream. DO. NOT. LIKE.

It started out that I was the sole woman with all these older (60-70 yo) guys. There were 2 other girls but they were more busy with one upping each other. They were suspected to have caused this explosion at this really nice house that was on a cliff that had a beautiful view of the ocean. Somehow I was out walking the beach when the explosion happened and I was helping people get settled and to safety. I had to get back to the apartment I was at with these older guys.

On the way back, this cute pier worker (I'm assuming he was a pier worker because he had on a polo shirt with the pier's name (Okaloosa Pier) & logo) appeared and started asking me questions about something. I was trying to be nice, but was in a hurry. He asked if I had to use the bathroom and I was like yeah (funny thing was, before he asked, I didn't have to go lol) so I told him to give me 5 mins and ran up 3 flights of stairs. when I got to the right floor, it didn't look the same. it looked so plain and not as fancy and decorative as it did before. I tried opening the 3 doors but none would open. There was a guy I knew that said the old guys left. that they sold everything and left. Thing was, it wasn't theirs to sell. It was mine, but something happened and I gave it to them. they were con artists.

So I left and when I got outside of the building, the cute pier worker was still there. I took his hand and suggested we get lunch. We walk down the Pier and get to this place that sells chili dogs and he orders. I say that I'll have the same as him because the menu is like a foreign language to me lol then I go look around the gift shop while he waiting for the food.

While I'm walking around the gift shop, I hear someone give me the cheesiest pick up line. the guy said "wow, are you a model?" I had this little smile on my face and looked up to see who it was. Not who I expected to see. Army Chris in his uniform. Not who I wanted to see. I went stone faced and walked back to the guy I was with. Chris followed me and was like "oh this is who you're with?" (he has a thing with me being with white guys) but somehow we manage to ignore him. We got our food and went to this table where some other friends were. The whole time Chris was just bragging to this guy all the stuff he and I did (it's totally something Chris would do), but the guy I was with seemed to not see or hear Chris. No one seemed to see or hear him. Just me.

then I somehow ended up in this weird car with my former best friend and her family. we were outside this really nice house in this nice neighborhood and she was bragging about how smart her daughters were.

then I woke up.

Chris is the one guy I know who could potentially ruin anything good that I had going on if he were to come back and suddenly be single. He did it with one of my high school friends, Christina, he did it when he was separated and then divorced from his wife Christina (not my high school friend). Now that he's "found the Lord" and gotten all religious, I don't know how he would be, but he has that potential to ruin me. He knows me deep inside that well that he could do that, whether I allowed him to or not.

6 words brought me to tears

my close friends know my history with guys. It's not even funny all the losers I've let into my life

But it's especially hurtful when one of the "nice" guys turns out to be the biggest snake of all.

Army Chris and Dick David don't come close to Johnny. Actually, Dick David is in his own field.

I'm getting better at this trusting my "sinking feeling" thing. It started last Wednesday, continued on to Friday, was slapped in the face with it on Sunday and today I've accepted it.

Now tell me honestly, do I have "jerks welcome" or "I'm easy" tattooed on my forehead?

I should have trusted my Oreo cookie induced dream tho...at least the relevant part of it.

See, in this dream I was in a relationship. But the guy's face kept changing between that of Johnny's and some other guy. This other guy was an okay guy, but Johnny...he was a snake. Keeping me around for some reason but never showing me attention...never really having anything to do with me. Other girls would come & go and I kind of said whatever about it. But then I finally had enough.

I don't know if it was because "Megan Fox" was the other woman or if I knew that I deserved better and had enough. But oh boy did I let him have it. And none of it even phased him. None of the stuff I threw at him, none of the words I said, phased him. He just laughed and went off with this other woman.

Then I had a dream about USC and stinging bugs in my pants. I have no idea what that was about or if it even means anything.

At 930 or so, maybe 10 pm I sent Johnny a text message asking when I'd see him again. a couple hours go by and I get a reply back. I saw the letters hor and for a split second I thought it was Dick David sending me a text about how he's horny and blah blah blah. It wasn't until I looked at the name of the sender and selected to read the text that my stomach dropped and I started to cry. I'm not going to repeat what those words were as I'd rather forget them. I'd rather forget him...that I replied to his stupid "how's life in Downey" message on pof. I just want to forget.

strike 1

so mr "lets go out this weekend" e-mailed me back late Sunday night. Apparently the Friday boys night extended into Saturday and I didn't get my 2nd date. I'm not so much upset that I didn't get a 2nd date as he didn't tell me what was going on. I didn't need to know the play by play, but drop me a text to say sorry that plans changed can we go out another day.

I tried not to come off sounding like a clingy bitch but I let him know that flaking on me wasn't acceptable, that I'm very understanding when it comes to spending time with friends but he just needs to let me know considering we already had plans in the works.

The ball is back in his court and all I can do is wait again to see if he'll reply.

FlashForward

(Premieres Tonight @ 8/7c on ABC)

if it were possible, would you want to see 6 months into the future?

me: without a doubt, yes I would want to know. I'd also want to know the path, the ups & downs, I took to get there.

I guess a follow up question would be, if the 6 months into the future were bad, would I change how I am now? I don't think I would.

so worth missing tv for

the guy I was supposed to meet on Friday sent me a message saying he forgot he had prior plans for Friday and if we could meet during the week. I said I'd have to check my schedule (aka see when none of my tv shows are on) and get back to him...and I gave him my cell saying that if he was ever at the Landing (a strip mall of sorts) to let me know

well at 9 tonight I got a txt from him asking if I wanted to meet up. I was honestly torn. the 2nd hr of Dancing with the Stars was just starting and other tv shows would be premiering tonight. But I gave that up (I missed the last 15 mins of DwtS) to meet him.

Totally worth it! We talked about traveling, our old high schools (cross town rivals of sorts) and walked around until closing. He made me laugh, blush (not an easy thing to do). He asked if he could hold my hand (the scene where Ace says "like a glove" (1:26) popped into my head"). We were standing face to face talking and he kept staring at my lips, making me a bit self conscious, and asked if he could kiss me. I said no and we kept talking, and out of the blue he pulls me to him and kisses me. OMG! and I mean that in a good way! He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me...it wasn't too hard and it wasn't too soft

I totally want to see him again and there aren't many guys I say that about.

has a non-date date!

Saturday got this message from a guy and we hit it off pretty well. I think it mostly had to do with the fact that we live in the same city? lol AND he's traveled to a lot of the places I so want to go to!

he asked if I wanted to meet up sometime. sure why not. it looks like Friday afternoon we'll be meeting. Starbucks seems to be a good location...and there are 2 near me too. waiting to hear back from him about that.

something that makes me even more happy is Chinese food! lol my fave Chinese food place by my church delivers so I ordered a combination of chicken, beef & shrimp chow mein (yum!) and veggie egg rolls (double yum!)

OMG seriously?! I forgot to post this again! I started at 720 and here it is an hr later. I got wrapped up in Jeopardy!, Wheel of Fortune and now Dancing with the Stars so I'm ending this before I forget again!

will be active

i got busted for not doing the real dusting like i was told to do on Saturday. it didn't bother me as much as it usually would when i was told i'd have to do it again. why? I get to go shopping for a container/big box to pack away all the dishes. they are mine (or will be when i move) and since they haven't been used in probably 10 yrs, I figured I'd clean, wrap & pack them away in storage. and my dad agreed that was a good idea!

I'll be doing that on Tuesday or Wednesday. Tomorrow/Monday I'll be either riding the bus/train to downtown LA to the library or going to Hollywood.

Had a birthday celebration at Church for those who have Sept birthdays. there are quite a few, but only myself and my boss's brother come to church regularly. we had subway, chips, cake, ice cream and soda and watched "Signs". I had to bit my tongue quite a few times as my dad was working on my last nerve. but i made it through the night and now I'm listening to music before bed

Also...I really want a bicycle like crazy! I see people riding and I want to ride! I was never like this when I had a bike (it was stolen because I didn't lock it up over night in front of my front door!) will be checking craigslist and The Salvation Army for bikes. might get one before week is over.