Just a mention of your name

So...last night's dream. DO. NOT. LIKE.

It started out that I was the sole woman with all these older (60-70 yo) guys. There were 2 other girls but they were more busy with one upping each other. They were suspected to have caused this explosion at this really nice house that was on a cliff that had a beautiful view of the ocean. Somehow I was out walking the beach when the explosion happened and I was helping people get settled and to safety. I had to get back to the apartment I was at with these older guys.

On the way back, this cute pier worker (I'm assuming he was a pier worker because he had on a polo shirt with the pier's name (Okaloosa Pier) & logo) appeared and started asking me questions about something. I was trying to be nice, but was in a hurry. He asked if I had to use the bathroom and I was like yeah (funny thing was, before he asked, I didn't have to go lol) so I told him to give me 5 mins and ran up 3 flights of stairs. when I got to the right floor, it didn't look the same. it looked so plain and not as fancy and decorative as it did before. I tried opening the 3 doors but none would open. There was a guy I knew that said the old guys left. that they sold everything and left. Thing was, it wasn't theirs to sell. It was mine, but something happened and I gave it to them. they were con artists.

So I left and when I got outside of the building, the cute pier worker was still there. I took his hand and suggested we get lunch. We walk down the Pier and get to this place that sells chili dogs and he orders. I say that I'll have the same as him because the menu is like a foreign language to me lol then I go look around the gift shop while he waiting for the food.

While I'm walking around the gift shop, I hear someone give me the cheesiest pick up line. the guy said "wow, are you a model?" I had this little smile on my face and looked up to see who it was. Not who I expected to see. Army Chris in his uniform. Not who I wanted to see. I went stone faced and walked back to the guy I was with. Chris followed me and was like "oh this is who you're with?" (he has a thing with me being with white guys) but somehow we manage to ignore him. We got our food and went to this table where some other friends were. The whole time Chris was just bragging to this guy all the stuff he and I did (it's totally something Chris would do), but the guy I was with seemed to not see or hear Chris. No one seemed to see or hear him. Just me.

then I somehow ended up in this weird car with my former best friend and her family. we were outside this really nice house in this nice neighborhood and she was bragging about how smart her daughters were.

then I woke up.

Chris is the one guy I know who could potentially ruin anything good that I had going on if he were to come back and suddenly be single. He did it with one of my high school friends, Christina, he did it when he was separated and then divorced from his wife Christina (not my high school friend). Now that he's "found the Lord" and gotten all religious, I don't know how he would be, but he has that potential to ruin me. He knows me deep inside that well that he could do that, whether I allowed him to or not.

6 words brought me to tears

my close friends know my history with guys. It's not even funny all the losers I've let into my life

But it's especially hurtful when one of the "nice" guys turns out to be the biggest snake of all.

Army Chris and Dick David don't come close to Johnny. Actually, Dick David is in his own field.

I'm getting better at this trusting my "sinking feeling" thing. It started last Wednesday, continued on to Friday, was slapped in the face with it on Sunday and today I've accepted it.

Now tell me honestly, do I have "jerks welcome" or "I'm easy" tattooed on my forehead?

I should have trusted my Oreo cookie induced dream tho...at least the relevant part of it.

See, in this dream I was in a relationship. But the guy's face kept changing between that of Johnny's and some other guy. This other guy was an okay guy, but Johnny...he was a snake. Keeping me around for some reason but never showing me attention...never really having anything to do with me. Other girls would come & go and I kind of said whatever about it. But then I finally had enough.

I don't know if it was because "Megan Fox" was the other woman or if I knew that I deserved better and had enough. But oh boy did I let him have it. And none of it even phased him. None of the stuff I threw at him, none of the words I said, phased him. He just laughed and went off with this other woman.

Then I had a dream about USC and stinging bugs in my pants. I have no idea what that was about or if it even means anything.

At 930 or so, maybe 10 pm I sent Johnny a text message asking when I'd see him again. a couple hours go by and I get a reply back. I saw the letters hor and for a split second I thought it was Dick David sending me a text about how he's horny and blah blah blah. It wasn't until I looked at the name of the sender and selected to read the text that my stomach dropped and I started to cry. I'm not going to repeat what those words were as I'd rather forget them. I'd rather forget him...that I replied to his stupid "how's life in Downey" message on pof. I just want to forget.

strike 1

so mr "lets go out this weekend" e-mailed me back late Sunday night. Apparently the Friday boys night extended into Saturday and I didn't get my 2nd date. I'm not so much upset that I didn't get a 2nd date as he didn't tell me what was going on. I didn't need to know the play by play, but drop me a text to say sorry that plans changed can we go out another day.

I tried not to come off sounding like a clingy bitch but I let him know that flaking on me wasn't acceptable, that I'm very understanding when it comes to spending time with friends but he just needs to let me know considering we already had plans in the works.

The ball is back in his court and all I can do is wait again to see if he'll reply.

FlashForward

(Premieres Tonight @ 8/7c on ABC)

if it were possible, would you want to see 6 months into the future?

me: without a doubt, yes I would want to know. I'd also want to know the path, the ups & downs, I took to get there.

I guess a follow up question would be, if the 6 months into the future were bad, would I change how I am now? I don't think I would.

so worth missing tv for

the guy I was supposed to meet on Friday sent me a message saying he forgot he had prior plans for Friday and if we could meet during the week. I said I'd have to check my schedule (aka see when none of my tv shows are on) and get back to him...and I gave him my cell saying that if he was ever at the Landing (a strip mall of sorts) to let me know

well at 9 tonight I got a txt from him asking if I wanted to meet up. I was honestly torn. the 2nd hr of Dancing with the Stars was just starting and other tv shows would be premiering tonight. But I gave that up (I missed the last 15 mins of DwtS) to meet him.

Totally worth it! We talked about traveling, our old high schools (cross town rivals of sorts) and walked around until closing. He made me laugh, blush (not an easy thing to do). He asked if he could hold my hand (the scene where Ace says "like a glove" (1:26) popped into my head"). We were standing face to face talking and he kept staring at my lips, making me a bit self conscious, and asked if he could kiss me. I said no and we kept talking, and out of the blue he pulls me to him and kisses me. OMG! and I mean that in a good way! He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me...it wasn't too hard and it wasn't too soft

I totally want to see him again and there aren't many guys I say that about.

has a non-date date!

Saturday got this message from a guy and we hit it off pretty well. I think it mostly had to do with the fact that we live in the same city? lol AND he's traveled to a lot of the places I so want to go to!

he asked if I wanted to meet up sometime. sure why not. it looks like Friday afternoon we'll be meeting. Starbucks seems to be a good location...and there are 2 near me too. waiting to hear back from him about that.

something that makes me even more happy is Chinese food! lol my fave Chinese food place by my church delivers so I ordered a combination of chicken, beef & shrimp chow mein (yum!) and veggie egg rolls (double yum!)

OMG seriously?! I forgot to post this again! I started at 720 and here it is an hr later. I got wrapped up in Jeopardy!, Wheel of Fortune and now Dancing with the Stars so I'm ending this before I forget again!

will be active

i got busted for not doing the real dusting like i was told to do on Saturday. it didn't bother me as much as it usually would when i was told i'd have to do it again. why? I get to go shopping for a container/big box to pack away all the dishes. they are mine (or will be when i move) and since they haven't been used in probably 10 yrs, I figured I'd clean, wrap & pack them away in storage. and my dad agreed that was a good idea!

I'll be doing that on Tuesday or Wednesday. Tomorrow/Monday I'll be either riding the bus/train to downtown LA to the library or going to Hollywood.

Had a birthday celebration at Church for those who have Sept birthdays. there are quite a few, but only myself and my boss's brother come to church regularly. we had subway, chips, cake, ice cream and soda and watched "Signs". I had to bit my tongue quite a few times as my dad was working on my last nerve. but i made it through the night and now I'm listening to music before bed

Also...I really want a bicycle like crazy! I see people riding and I want to ride! I was never like this when I had a bike (it was stolen because I didn't lock it up over night in front of my front door!) will be checking craigslist and The Salvation Army for bikes. might get one before week is over.

give me something to do

so now the "lectures" about being in bed and doing nothing all day happen about every other day or whenever I'm alone with either of my parents. I need something to do...someplace to go so I'm out of the apartment for at least 6 hrs a day.

I dusted as much of the furniture as I could reach, but a good third of it is blocked...BY MY PARENTS THINGS! if your crap is blocking my access to dust, I'm not dusting. simple as that.

Got my dad to take me to Blockbuster. I was told there was a possibility that his card would need to be reactivated since it hadn't been used since 2007. Well, I got 3 movies, The Number 23, Mr. Brooks and Seven Pounds. My dad asked for the last one, and yeah, I want to see it too, but originally I wanted to get specific movies off of a list of 17 I complied from my netflix list, but I couldn't find them. I was, however, able to lessen my online netflix list by 1 when I removed The Number 23. There are still over 200 lol When we got the movies, turned out, his card didn't need to be reactivated . Now I can go whenever I want to rent a movie and I didn't time things right with Netflix. I can also rent my TV shows and not have to wait on netflix. Down side though is I'll be spending more money at Blockbuster in addition to the 1 time fee with netflix.

After Blockbuster we went to Walmart. I wasn't in there 5 mins when I saw a dress that I HAD to buy lol. I was making my way to the $5 movies (never got there haha) when the dress caught my eye. I grabbed 1 to try on and it was a bit too tight so I got 1 size up and didn't try it on thinking it'd be fine. check out, go to McDonalds and then leave. when I got home, I tried on the dress and IT WAS TOO BIG! lol but my mom can take it up some for me or I can give it to her

Umm I guess that's it. I need to make sure everything is ready for tomorrow. In the evening is the Birthday celebration & movie night at the church. I couldn't get Oh, God! so I asked Colleen & Elizabeth if they could bring some Church appropriate movies that we can choose from. I hope they aren't overly churchy or that religion is hammered in with every shot. I can't stand movies like those.

oops! started this over an hour ago and just now posting. guess I forgot abt it. lol

Those apartment houses are for rent again but I can't afford them

this morning my mom really made me cry. she basically said that I need to either get a job, go back to school or i might get kicked out because I'm spending too much time in my room "wasting away".

she also said that the reason I didn't get a cake was because of my attitude. wouldn't you get pissed off if someone was telling you every day you aren't doing anything with your life and you need to find a job and generally making you feel like crap?

I'd go back to school for my Bachelor's degree in a heartbeat if the schools weren't cutting classes, raising the cost of tuition and loans weren't being cut. And work, I'm looking for work every day. Before I do my fun stuff, I look at the job alerts I've gotten over night, send out resumes and send out follow up e-mails from resumes I sent the previous week and nothing. I haven't found anything.

I know that if I really speak my mind about the getting kicked out part, I really might get kicked out.

then like 30 mins ago, my dad tells me that my mom has something for me. and I was like wtf?! then I thought I really don't want to cry again if she's going to lecture me or something, but i call her at work and she tells me that the Bally's Total Fitness across the street has some special or something going on for like $20/month (I checked online and the cheapest they have is $25/month for 1 club only or $30/month for national access) and if I wanted to do that she'd pay for it.

anyone need a secretary

sitting on my ass, do nothing and get paid isn't as fun as it sounds. That's all I do when I come here. Every Friday when I come into work that's what I do.

I actually DO have work that I'm supposed to do, but my "boss" has another "job" and when that "job" gets busy, I get screwed. My "work" depends on her getting information to me. Every Friday between 930 and 1030 am I e-mail Colleen the information she needs to send me the information I need. Basically, the title of Sunday's sermon. All she has to do is pick out TWO SONGS to go with the sermon! I could easily do this myself, but I never know if she has the songs picked out a head of time (a lot of times the songs don't match the sermon). I hate looking through the Bible and looking through the hymnal trying to find songs that match the sermon because a lot of times there isn't anything to match the Sermon so I have to find 2 that kind of match. It's work that, as far as I know, isn't in my job description. So anyways, I leave home, take the bus, get something to eat and go on to work. That's like 2-3 hrs. Plenty of time to find 2 songs. She's been doing this for the 8 yrs that I've been secretary, it's not like it's a new job for her. Then I have to e-mail her a reminder, after waiting an additional hour and still probably end up waiting another 30-45 mins.

This also happens when it comes time to do the monthly Love Notes. It's only 1 time a month and I'm freaking waiting and the stuff never goes out on the 1st of the month like I want it to.

Today was no different. I e-mailed her at 1030, which is a bit later than I usually do, I didn't end up leaving home until 1130 and I didn't get to the office until 1 something. Still 3 hrs since I e-mailed her. about 20 mins ago (230 pm), I sent her a reminder e-mail and also said that we didn't have the words to one of the monthly praise songs.

so yeah, here I am waiting. and tired. and hot. and pissed off.

edit got a reply back from Colleen. "That Praise Book is old. I have the words, but they might be at home." tell me something I don't know! I've been using and adding to it for 8 years! Still don't have the 2 hymns I need! and the fact that the words "might be at home" doesn't help either of us. You being at work and me wanting to leave RIGHT NOW!

what an eventful day

Not just for me, but for my sister. This morning she was getting ready for work & to take the kids to school when she suddeny felt dizzy. The room was spinning and every time she opened her eyes, she said it felt like the room was spinning faster. On top of that she had horribly painful cramps.

Marlin called 911 and I believe Jasmine called here. around 6 am or so my mom wakes me up to tell me all this and that they were going to her house and my dad was going to take Marlin  & Jasmine to school and my mom was going to go to the hospital to be with my sister.

Around  730 am my mom calls me to tell me to call directory assistance to get my sister's job's number and then to call and tell them she wasn't going to be in today. I did that and my mom came to get me so I could go with her to the hospital, which btw, my sister lives in LA and the hospital is all the way over by us in Bellflower. That's quite a ways to go.

At the hospital, my sister had a blood sample, urine sample and a CAT or CT scan (I can't remember which it was). The results of the scan showed nothing - except that she had a brain lol the joke the technician told her. Her potassium levels were low and she had high blood pressure medication she hadn't taken yet or hadn't taken in a few days? I'm not clear on that part. The doctor told her she had vertigo and gave her medication for that as well as something to bring her potassium levels back up. Then she was released.

Right now, I believe she's sleeping on the sofa. When the kids get out of school, my dad will be taking them, and my sister home. I don't know what the plan for tomorrow is as far as my sister going to work and how the kids are going to get to school.

I told my sister not to worry about giving me money for the cruise I may or may not go on. She is 3 or 4 months behind on paying the registration for her car and her insurance is going to be due soon. She gets paid on the 21st and I rather her get her car stuff taken care of than to have to deal with it being impounded for no registration/insurance if she were to get pulled over.

It's been about 4 hrs since I've eaten. I'm hungry, but not really. I crave fatty greasy foods and I don't need that...but I so want it!

Happy birthday to me?

while I'm thankful for the gifts and wishes I got, today wasn't anything special. I didn't get any kind of birthday meal and if i wanted anything special, i would have to use the money i got. didn't go anywhere and my sister gave me a coupon for a free scoop of ice cream...THAT I PRINTED OUT TO BEGIN WITH! she did however say that when she gets paid on the 20th, she'd give me money to go towards a cruise i want to go on that i may not be able to go on after all

and the frosting on the invisible cake, i had to clean the kitchen.

yeah. happy birthday to me! maybe I should have gone out with pushy clingy guy from last week!

thanks to the 30 or 40 something ppl who wished me a happy birthday on FB and Twitter and here?

there are like 3 hrs & 12 mins left to my birthday. we'll see if it gets better

last Wednesday we get a flier in the mail from the plumbers the apartment managers/owners use stating that water was going to be off for 4 days - Thursday & Friday Sept 3 & 4 and Monday & Tuesday Sept 7 & 8 from 9 am to 4 pm.

The water was indeed off Thursday and Friday, but it's 4 pm on Monday and I've been using the water all day for various things - including going to the bathroom and the water hasn't been off.

I think when the fliers were made, they didn't realize Monday was a holiday...or they finished their work. I'll have to see tomorrow if the water is shut off when I wake up.

pushy clingy man is pushy clingy

I thought I was going to have a date (my FIRST ONE in 3 years!) this weekend or next weekend, but the guy was pushing exclusive dating too much. Like from 1st date on we'd only date each other with the idea of it becoming a relationship.

I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me. I don't get asked on dates (at all really) and I don't want to be exclusive with someone I'll be meeting for the first time. and this guy's "old fashion gentleman" ways was being too pushy for me.

fine, whatever. I took him off my messenger friends list, removed his number from my phone, deleted all e-mails to and from him and deleted his e-mail from my address book

what REALLY creeped me out was that he showed my pictures to people he worked with and told them we were working on a relationship and he said they said we'd make a cute couple.

*SHUDDERS* to think, I was going to send my resume to him so he could forward it to the human resources department of the company he works for...he'd have access to my home address and phone number.

guess i won't be going out next week for my birthday after all. oh well.

when do I get my toilet back?!

the water in the apartment building (6 units) for 7 1/2 hrs. Tomorrow (Friday) will be the same, as will next Monday and Tuesday.

I guess the property owners are finally getting around to replacing the 20+ yr old pipes! At least I HOPE that's what's being done!

lack of water hasn't been too bad, but around hour 5 I really had to use it. I put the thought out of my mind until the slightest movement sent me running to the bathroom.

Friday will be better. I'll be at work for all or a majority of the time the water is to be off. I don't know what I'll be doing next Monday & Tuesday though.

edit 1 the water came back on about 5 pm, but I got sidetracked talking with S and I never posted this. oops
edit 2 MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 6 DAYS!!!!!!